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How To Cope with Dating, Rejection and Cheating
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We've all heard the popular rejection, "It's not you but it's me." In actuality, we tend to internalize the statement to mean, "There's something about you that I cannot seem to get pass." But before one becomes...
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Dating With Confidence
Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After
all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a
very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually)
is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least
beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many,
most people want to make a good first impression. At the very
least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime
opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether you're looking
for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can
occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with.
Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one's
intelligence to one's looks to one's ability to tell a good
joke. Dating puts it all out there.
How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating?
There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more
appropriate for some people than others.
First Things First
A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you
may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of
the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be
feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting
more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other
person is likely to sense your "desperation" (for lack of a
better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on
yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it
may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or, if you don't,
try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of
self-talk that tries to convince you that you're not worth
dating, you'll never find someone, and that you'll be single for
the rest of your life.
Be Yourself
Yes, you've heard it many times before, and there's a reason for
it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it's best if
this happens when you're being
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true to yourself. If you're
"faking" it, you're then faced with coming forward and facing
humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This
takes a lot of effort, it's dishonest, and you can't keep it up
for very long anyway. So whatever your faults, try not to hide
them too much. This doesn't mean that you put them all out on
the table on the first date, but it also means that you don't go
to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be
something or someone you're not.
Get Out of Yourself
To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing
on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she
has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the
other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep
you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish
what dates are meant to do--get to know someone else better. Ask
questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about
common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid
talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about
how you look, what you're saying, and what type of impression
you're making.
Try Something Different
If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you
barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating
activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour
through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity
that keeps you moving. If you have something to do, you can
focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It
helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you
both feel more comfortable and confident.
About the author:
Son Ngo is the editor at http://www.vkhowto.com, a community
shared "How To" website on everyday tricks and tips. You can
share your expertises and experiences to the world by submitting
your article at the website.
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